Episode 3 - Safe Word

Dr. Good Vibes contains strong language, adult themes, and depictions of high impact sex and or violence. This podcast is recommended for mature audiences. Listener discretion is advised. 

(Phone ringing) 

Hal: Come on, Hal.

Hello? 

Therese: What the hell are you playing at, boy? You ain't never heard of caller ID? 

Hal: Hey Ma. 

Therese: Don't you hey Ma me, fuck do you want? Well? 

Hal: Uh, nothing. It was um, uh, it was just a butt dial. 

Therese: Careful with where you put your butt, you're interrupting my praying. Pigfucker! There goes my pension. 

Hal: Hey um, Ma, since I've uh, since I've got you on the phone, I've

Have you, uh, have you seen Alana around? 

Therese: I don't know who that is. 

Hal: The uh, uh, Alana, Alana Simms. Mr. and Mrs. Simms kid. She used to come around a lot when we were in high school. 

Therese: Oh. Her. 

Hal: Just, yeah, I, I don't know. Um, have you heard anything about what she's doing? Ma? 

Therese: I'm thinking. 

Hal: Sorry. 

Therese: I don't think I've seen her around.

Didn't she go off to college? I see her mama at the store sometimes, but we've got nothing to say to one another. 

Hal: Okay. Um, look, thanks anyway. I've gotta go. Got some um, got some work stuff to do. 

Therese: You send this month's check yet? 

Hal: Yeah, Ma. Yeah, it's in the mail. 

Therese: Okay. Good. Thank you. 

Hal: You're welcome. You know I could Send it instantly if you'd set up the internet banking.

Therese: Now don't start with all that. 

Hal: I can set it up for you. It will take five minutes. 

Therese: You know I don't fuck around with all that computer nonsense. 

Hal: All right. All right. I'll just keep sending them in the mail. 

Therese: Good. When are you coming home for a visit? 

Hal: I don't know, Ma. Work's kind of crazy at the moment.

Christmas, probably. Maybe. 

Therese: Right. 

Hal: All right. I uh, I gotta go. 

Therese: Okay. 

Don't forget to eat something. 

Hal: Yeah. I will. Bye. 

Therese: Bye.

Noah: Hey Do- Hal. Hey Hal. 

Hal: It's, uh, it's not really a good time right now, Noah. 

Noah: Yeah, sorry, sorry, um, I just, Katie asked me to, um 

Hal: Noah, seriously, I, sorry, I just, I just need a minute here. 

Noah: Yeah, yeah, um, I know, sorry, I just, I'll be quick. Katie just asked me to tell you, let me, told me to tell you that, um 

Hal: Yeah, go on.

Noah: ... 

oh, I can, um, 

Hal: Yeah, just go for it. 

Noah: Cool, cool, um, okay. Um, Katie asked me to let you know that she's ready for you? 

Hal: Ready for me for what? 

Noah: She didn't say.

Hal: Okay. Is that, is that all? 

Noah: Yes, um, yeah, sorry. Yeah, that's it. 

Hal: Okay, well, thank you, Noah. 

I'll head over in a minute. Oh. Or now. I'll head over now. 

Noah: Great. 

Hal: Oh, uh. Oh, actually, while I've got you here, are you, um, are you any good with mobile phones? My phone? Are you good with the phones? 

Noah: Oh, yeah, um, absolutely, yes.

Hal: Right. Um, I think I might get you to have a look at my phone later, if that's okay. The um, the app we use for recording interviews, the Jawbone app, keeps throwing me weird notifications. I don't know, I think there's something wrong with it. 

Noah: Oh, Hal, yeah, of course, uh, for sure, I'd be, I'd be happy to, Hal.

Hal: Thanks. I, I appreciate it. Right. I'll uh, see you later.

Noah: Okay, okay. He touched me.

Katie: Hey Hal. 

Hal: Hey. 

Katie: I'm guessing Noah found you? 

Hal: He did. 

Katie: You ready? 

Hal: Honestly? No, not really. I thought we were done for the week. I wasn't even going to come in today. 

Katie: Well, you'll be glad you did. We're out three days next week for that producer's off site, so unless you want to work late Monday and Tuesday, we should put some stuff down.

Hal: Goddamn EP credit. 

Katie: Hey, you wanted it. 

Hal: My agent wanted it. 

Katie: Well, luckily, it's the last show of the month, which means the first half is all quickies. 

Hal: If you're going to 

Katie: And we can bang those out in half an hour. Then we won't have to stay late all of next week. 

Hal: Ugh. Fine. I can do quickies. 

Katie: Good. 

Hal: Great.

I'm ready. 

Katie: Okay, loving the energy, but I'm gonna need a minute here.

You wanna come in off the intro? 

Hal: Nope. Let's just get into it. Wait. No. No. Actually, yes. Play the intro. Helps me get the energy right. Helps me focus in. God knows I need it. 

Katie: You got it. 

Hal: Okay. Let's fuck this pig. 

Katie: Uh... 

Hal: I mean, let's help some people with their sexy, sexy problems. 

Katie: Uh huh. Mic's live. Three, two, 

Announcer: It's getting late, and the lights are getting dim. Welcome to a place with no taboos, no judgment, where every question you've ever had about love, sex, kink, and relationships has an answer. This is The Late Shift with Dr. Good Vibes. 

Hal: Hello and welcome to The Late Shift. Dr. Good Vibes is here to demystify, destigmatize, deconstruct and decode the delicious demesne of desire.

Katie: Just a heads up to all the listeners, apparently we're doing alliteration today. 

Hal: Yes we are. And not just that, we're starting today's show by taking on all the little questions that keep you up at night. But not for one of the good reasons. Sure, you could just Google it. But why would you do that when Dr. Good Vibes is here for you? 

It's time for a quickie. 

Katie: Multiple quickies. 

Hal: Oh, if you insist. It's time for quickies. Nurse Katie, what's on the docket? 

Katie: Our first question comes from Raphael in Gresham. He asks 

Hal: Hey, do the accent. 

Katie: Well, hi there, Doctor. I 

Hal: HA HA hA 

Katie: Shut up. 

Hal: Sorry. So, uh, uh, come on, let's get through this.

Katie: I'm trying. 

Hal: Sorry. Sorry. Go again. 

Katie: Hi there, Doctor. Quick question for you. 

Hal: Great start. Perfect. 

Katie: My wife and I have been together for eight years, and our sex life has basically entered a period of long, slow, agonizing death since the honeymoon. Lately, it seems like we go weeks without any sort of physical intimacy, and it's starting to weigh on me.

Can you offer any advice on spicing things up to get some excitement back into the relationship? 

Hal: Excellent question. Are you ready? 

Katie: Ready. 

Hal: Raphael, do the washing up. And don't just do the washing up once. Do all the washing up. Always. Forever. If you are home, and you see a dirty plate, you wash that plate.

Do it for months, years even. And don't mention it. Don't bring it up. Don't demand any sort of thanks for it. This is what you need to do. I will save you the long rant about fair and equitable division of domestic labour. I think you can find it a number of times in my back catalogue. 

Katie: At least six different episodes.

Hal: And it is an all timer. But for now. At the risk of stereotyping, if you are a man in a heterosexual marriage, especially now single income households don't exist, and you feel like you're doing 50 percent of the domestic chores, you're actually doing 6%. Do it until it feels, in your eyes, like 99%, and you might be close to getting an equal split.

That's all. Your relationship doesn't need capsaicin, it needs rice. Try it. I guarantee results. Decisive. Exceptionnellement. On to the next! 

Katie: See? Easy. 

Hal: Can't say I'm not a professional. Let's keep it going. 

Katie: Okay, thank you for your question, Raphael. Up next we've got a question from Samael in Halifax. 

Hal: Samael, like the angel?

Katie: That's what it says. 

Hal: Cool. 

Katie: Is it? 

Hal: It is. 

Katie: Samael asks, Since coming out as non binary, I've had some trouble on the dating apps. I tried putting it up front, I tried not putting it up front, and just telling people once we've gotten to know each other a little better. But every time, it just feels awkward, and like it invites a bunch of equally awkward, clarifying questions.

I lived and dated men as a cis woman for 10 years before finally accepting this truth about myself, and in almost every other area of my life, it's been a positive change. But when it comes to dating, I really need help. Doctor? 

Hal: Wow. Okay. That's a curly one for a quickie, but I am up to the challenge. 

First, unless you had a very out there parentage, I assume Samael is a new nom choisee?

And if so, superb. I would never dare to tell our NB siblings how to self identify, but being a being of unknowable geometry is a powerful Powerful choice. Sadly, I can only offer you advice on what you can do, rather than advice that will immediately resolve any and all outstanding issues with gender diversity in the dating pool, but I'll do my best.

It sounds like you were in the mainstream. A straight, cisgender woman dating straight, cisgender men. And unfortunately, the mainstream is the hardest place to go against the flow. If you are on the mainstream apps, I would advise a change of scene. A few of the apps that started out specifically targeted at gay men have recently broadened their brief to include a more gender and sexually diverse audience.

Additionally, there are a number of services where you are likely to find more progressively minded potential mates who aren't completely clueless about the ongoing destruction of the gender binary. 

Change of scene, I think, here is the key. I hope that helps. If not, give us a call. Let's have a longer conversation. I think this topic could probably stand up to deeper cogitation and discussion than can be offered by a quickie. Nurse Katie? 

Katie: Agreed. 

Hal: Quickie number two. I am on a roll now. Let's keep them going. 

Katie: Deal. Up next we've got Seon Yoo from Deutchongji in South Korea. 

Hal: Maybe don't do an accent for this one. 

Katie: Wasn't even gonna try.

She says, Hi doctor. Greetings from Korea. I am in a tricky situation and could use some advice. I broke up with my long term boyfriend a few weeks ago, and I've been really lonely, really upset after it all went down. A friend of my little sister has started coming around, and he's made it pretty clear that he's interested in me.

Really interested, and to be honest, I'm interested too. But, the thing is, he's my sister's ex. They're still friends, and apparently the breakup was mutual, but I know she still has some awkward feelings about him. Is it okay for me to start dating this guy? How can I bring this up with my sister without hurting her?

I'm really confused about what to do. Thanks in advance., 

Hal: Okay... Seon Yee, complicated question that warrants a very simple response. No, don't date your brother's ex. Don't date anyone your brother has a crush on. If possible, don't date anyone who your brother even knows. That's it. There's your answer. 

Katie: Sister. 

Hal: What? 

Katie: It's her sister? 

Hal: Ugh, right, right. Let's take it again. 

Don't date your sister's ex. No way, no how, it's not worth it. Simple as that. Is that enough? 

Katie: Yeah, that should cover it. 

Hal: How many more of these do we need to do? 

Katie: Two, maybe three if the rest are as brief as that one. So, you dated your brother's ex? 

Hal: I don't have a brother. 

Katie: Oh, right. Sorry.

Hal: No, it's fine, just You know what, let's do the rest after lunch. 

Katie: Okay. What do you want to do until then? 

Hal: I don't know. 

Katie: Alright. 

Any other siblings? 

Hal: Why don't we just break early? 

Katie: Hal? 

Hal: Seriously, my blood sugar is clearly low. 

Katie: You got two out of three with no problems. 

Hal: Yeah, and my strike rate is usually better than that.

I need to eat something.

Hal? 

Hal: Katie, I'm serious, I've really got to 

Katie: No, hal, wait. 

Hal: What? 

Katie: I just got an email. 

Hal: Congratulations. 

Katie: From Alana. 

Hal: What? What's going on? She came back? 

Katie: She did. Yes. Said she's got some follow up questions and she's available today, tomorrow, or Tuesday next week. 

Hal: Today! Now! 

Katie: Alright, give me a second here. You'll have your chance to grill her.

Hal: I don't want to grill her. I want to help her. 

Katie: Well, can I grill her? 

Hal: Really preferred if you didn't. 

Katie: Ugh, fine. I'm calling her.

Hal: Did you get her? 

Katie: Give me a second. 

Hi! Is this Ruby? Hi, yes, this is Katie Bradley. I'm a producer at Jawbone Media on Dr. Good Vibes. Yes, that's right. Listen, I got your email. Is there any chance you'd be available to jump on a call with the doctor now?

No, we'll send you a link. You can open it on your phone or on your computer.

Hal: Is she going to sorry, sorry. 

Katie: If you're free I can shoot the link over right now. Okay, cool. Great, it'll literally be there by the time you sit down. Thanks, bye.

Hal: Katie? 

Katie: Oh, hey Hel, what's up? 

Hal: Are you-?!

Katie: I'm kidding, we're doing it right now. Sit your ass down and warm up those pipes, we've got two minutes, if that. 

Hal: Thank you.

Katie: Weird, I thought you'd be more tense, you look almost excited. 

Hal: We are solving the mystery. I'm gonna get this Alana on the phone. And we can put this thing to bed. I could literally only be more excited if she'd emailed you 30 minutes earlier. 

Katie: Why? 

Hal: Doesn't matter. Point is, I'm ready. 

Katie: I hope so. She just joined the call.

Want me to do the intro? 

Hal: Yep. Go for it. 

Katie: Hi Ruby. Are you on? Great. I'll put you on the feed in just a minute. Okay. Please hold. Thanks. 

Mic's live. Ask me who's on the line. 

Hal: Katie? 

Katie: Yeah. 

Hal: We're just going to do a normal call. Normal questions. It'll be immediately obvious if it's her. We don't need to do anything tricky. Just... Normal. 

Katie: If you say so. 

Hal: I do. I do say so.

Nurse Katie, who's on the line? 

Katie: Well, doctor, as you'll remember, a few weeks ago, we received a call from Alana, who had some questions about her boyfriend and BDSM. She received some advice from the doctor with an open invitation to contact us again, and now has returned with some additional queries. This time joining us live on the podcast.

Hal: Very exciting. 

Katie: I agree. 

Alana, you're on with Dr. Good Vibes. 

Hal: Alana, how are you? 

Alana: I'm good, Doctor. 

Um, thank you for taking my call. 

Hal: We've had a lot of questions about safe, sane and consensual BDSM practice on the show over the years, but yours stuck out to me as particularly challenging, so I'm glad that you took the time to touch base with us again.

Have you had a chance to review the materials that Nurse Katie provided? 

Alana: Some of it, yes. There was a lot. 

Hal: Well... It's a complex area, and there's been a lot written on the topic. 

Alana: I know. It's like, not just "too much choking". 

Hal: No. No, that's true. Tell me about your boyfriend. 

Oh, um, Katie, have we given him a name? 

Katie: I was thinking, Hal?

You know, or, like, steve. 

Hal: Steve's good. Does that work for you, Alana? 

Alana: Uh, sure, I think I can remember that. 

Hal: Please tell us about your boyfriend, Steve. 

Alana: Okay, well, Steve and I met at work, at a, um, fast food restaurant. 

Hal: And what initially attracted you to him? 

Alana: Oh, you know, the usual stuff. He's tall, kind of mean, but in a funny way.

He's got a really nice way of talking. Very, um, what's the word? 

Katie: Verbose? 

Alana: More like, he's got this deep, sexy voice. But yes, also verbose. 

Katie: Sounds familiar. 

Hal: So, when you started dating, was there any indication or discussion of Steve's interest in BDSM? 

Alana: No, no discussion. But I'm the first partner he's had who he's felt, um, safe enough to talk about it with.

Hal: Right. 

Alana: It's um, apparently something he'd been thinking about exploring for a long time. 

Hal: You mentioned, yes. How did you two start exploring? 

Alana: Oh, um.

Hal: Alana, it's okay. We're professionals. 

Katie: And this podcast is rated for mature audiences. 

Hal: Please. 

Alana: It started very vanilla, by um, 2023 standards, I guess. Spanking, choking, some light, um, tying up with like, towels or the um, the belt off of a dressing gown. Nothing that um, nothing that needed any special equipment.

Hal: And how was that? 

Alana: It was fine. I enjoyed certain parts of it. I kind of liked the blindfold, um, stuff. It was interesting. 

Hal: But it didn't stay interesting? 

Alana: No. 

Hal: And things escalated? 

Alana: Yeah, they did. He started to push. He bought a bunch of stuff, um, equipment online. I have no idea how much he spent. There were things in there that I'd never seen before, never heard of before.

Restraints, electrical stimulators, and other, um, items that I'd never really seen outside of, like, a gynecologist's office. Like, that silver, um, like, duckbill thing. 

Hal: A vaginal speculum. 

Alana: Yeah, that thing. 

Katie: I hate that thing. 

Hal: Wow, it sounds like he really dived into it with both feet. That's not something you'd usually find in a beginner's kit.

Alana: He... I mean, I encouraged him. He seemed so happy at the beginning, but it never lasted. Like, nothing was ever, like, enough. It was like, every time we tried something new, some new tool or toy, or broke through some physical limit, he was overjoyed. He went back to being the guy he was before. We started, affectionate, generous, wildly, um, loving?

Like, extra, extra loving? And then a few days or weeks would pass and he would just start to get like, I don't know, distant? 

Hal: Distant how? 

Alana: Like, not answering my messages all day, or saying he was too busy to come over multiple nights in a row, little things. 

Hal: How did that make you feel? 

Alana: Not good. But I, I don't think he was trying to hurt me.

I think he was just struggling. Trying to work out exactly what he wanted. What he was missing. 

Hal: Let's put that aside for the moment. You mentioned in your original question that he had started to exhibit some worrying behaviors during your actual play. 

Alana: Oh. 

Hal: I believe I specifically called out use of the word terrifying.

Alana: Yes. 

Hal: Could you speak to that? 

Alana: Sure. 

Katie: Are you alright? 

Alana: I'm okay, it's just kind of hard to talk about. 

Hal: It's fine. Take your time. 

Alana: I think I made it sound worse than it actually is. There was a moment, I mean, no. It's happened more than once. Uh, but I can tell you about a specific, um, a specific time. 

Hal: That would be best.

Alana: He, okay, no. Um, I was, uh, we were in his bedroom. I was, uh, naked and my arms and legs had been tied together in sort of a restraint like it pushes your thighs apart with a solid rod, and my wrists were strapped to that with um, cuffs, leather cuffs.

Hal: A spreader. 

Alana: Yeah, yes. I'm face down on the bed and he's um, he's using this paddle with little like um, metal studs on it, on my legs and on my um, On my butt.

I can hear him breathing. And I was fine, like, I had a, um, a ball gag in my mouth. So I was drooling a lot. But I was okay. 

Katie: Alana, if this is too hard for you to talk about, you can be a little more vague about the details. 

Hal: No, the particulars are important. 

Katie: Hal, she's clearly uncomfortable. 

Hal: She's fine. 

Katie: I'm not so sure about this.

Hal: Okay, but I am.

Alana: It's that basically it But what happened next is the um, the bad, the bad bit. He stopped and walked away, and I thought maybe he was just getting a um, a new toy or something, but he actually walked out of the room. He was gone for a while, long enough that I called out for him a bunch of times. I mean I still had the gag in, so eventually I tried to turn myself over, like wiggle myself onto my back.

Which took me ages. And when I turned over, he was just standing there. 

Katie: Oh my god. 

Alana: No, no, not, he didn't have a knife or anything. He'd picked up a, um, uh, a bit of rope that was part of the, part of the stuff that we were using. It was, uh, I could tell he'd been watching me struggle, and he had this look on his face, like, Like, nothing I'd ever seen before on him, like, it wasn't him.

He looked like a, um, I don't know, I could tell he was excited, but not, not like sexually, like he wanted to really hurt me. He was gripping the rope so tight that his knuckles were white, and he was breathing really heavily, but his eyes were like, were like a hawk or a hyena or something, looking at an injured rabbit.

In that moment, he scared the shit out of me. 

Hal: And what happened next? 

Alana: He started moving towards me, and I was trying to get the um, the safe word out, but I was gagged. So it was just, Hmm. Three times, like, Hmm, Hmm, hmm. 

Which was like the gagged version, like we talked about, but he didn't stop. He was running the rope between his hands, pulling it out, and I was really, I really thought he was gonna hurt me.

And then I started to cry. And that, that seemed to snap him out of it. He stopped, and he untied me, and told me he was sorry. Just um, caught up in the moment, but, I don't know.

Sorry, it's just, sorry. That wasn't the only time you know, but that, that seemed like the moment it got really bad. 

Hal: Thank you for sharing that Alana. 

Katie: Yeah, that was 

Hal: Harrowing. 

Katie: Yeah. 

Hal: Just, out of interest, what was the safe word that you used? 

Therese: Oh, elevator.

Hal: Elevator.

It's a good choice. A lot of, um, consonants. Katie? 

Katie: Yeah? 

Hal: Can you stop the recording, please? 

Katie: Uh, sure. Why? 

Hal: Just stop recording. 

Katie: Okay. Done. 

Hal: Good. It's, uh, Ruby, right? 

Alana: Yeah, Ruby's my Yes, Ruby. 

Hal: Can you explain one thing to me? 

Alana: Sure. 

Hal: Who are you? Really? 

Alana: What do you mean? 

Hal: I mean, who, the fuck, are you? 

Because whoever the fuck you are, I know you aren't Alana Simms.

You talk like her, like an impression of her, but now that I have talked to you, I'm very fucking certain that you are not her. So why don't you cut the fucking theatrics right now and tell me who the fuck you are and why you know the things that you know. 

Alana: I I don't- 

Hal: Tell me! 

Katie: How? 

Hal: Shut the fuck up, Katie!

Whoever you are, you better start talking right fucking now. 

Alana: What is happening here? I called you because I needed help. 

Hal: Bullshit! There is no fucking way that you Every fucking detail Elevator? Are you fucking kidding me? What? Are you her friend? Are you her fucking... her fucking therapist? Who the fuck are you?

Fucking answer me.

Alana: I told you. 

Hal: You're fucking lying. 

Tell me who the fuck you are. What, what does Ruby have to do with all this? You better fucking What the fuck, Katie? Did you just turn my mic off? 

Katie: She's gone, Hal. She dropped off the call. 

Hal: Motherfucker! 

Katie: H- hal, stop! Hal! Hal! 

Hal: No!

Katie: Jesus Christ.

Next time on Dr. Good Vibes. 

Hal: You know you didn't have to cover for me. 

Alana: I know. 

Hal: I was out of line. I'm sorry. 

Katie: Who do you think actually called you? 

Hal: Oh, so we're just pretending that I've agreed to talk about this? 

Katie: We are. 

Hal: Okay, so, there was this girl. 

Dr. Good Vibes is a Neon Diner production. Written, produced, and directed by Richard P. Doyle. Editing and sound design by Ramon Samson. 

It features the vocal talents of Richard P. Doyle, Rachel Slee, Jonah Maronin, Kate Ingram, Emily Teed. Full credits can be found in the show notes. Dr. Good Vibes is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So please subscribe to ensure you never miss an episode.