Episode 10 - Dominance

Dr. Goodvibes contains strong language, adult themes, and depictions of high impact sex and or violence. This podcast is recommended for mature audiences. Listener discretion is advised.

Announcer: It's getting late and the lights are getting dim. Welcome to a place with no taboos, no judgment, where every question you've ever had about love, sex, kink, and relationships has an answer. This is The Late Shift, with Dr. Good Vibes. 

Hal: Mesdames, messieurs, et personnes non binaires. Bonsoir, and welcome to The Late Shift.

I am your host, Dr. Good Vibes, returning to your podcast platform of choice, with all the answers to your most querulous queries about bondage, betrothal. And the breathless beauty of becoming the beast with two backs with your bow or your boo. I am joined, as always, by my never fail navigator and number two, Nurse Katie Bradley.

Katie?

It seems that my producer has had to duck out for a moment, but no matter. The light on my desk is on and our first caller is waiting patiently, which means we can begin. Hello, Caller. You're on with the Doctor. 

Harry: Hello, doctor. 

Hal: I can see here that your name is Harry. A handsome, distinguished name, that.

Excellent choice. Harry, how can I help you? 

Harry: Uh, well, this is a little embarrassing to talk about. 

Hal: Well, you are in luck. A little embarrassing is our bread and butter here at the Late Shift. Whatever your question is, I'm sure we can find an answer together. 

Harry: Oh. Okay. Good. 

Hal: What's on your mind, Harry? 

Harry: Well, I don't know...

I I don't think I really want to talk about this stuff. I'm I'm sorry? I'm sorry I just don't I don't think I really want to talk about this stuff. 

Hal: Just one second, Harry. We seem to be having some audio trouble. Katie? Katie?

Hang on a second here. I'm sure I can work it out.

Um, come on.

Oh. Good. Got it. Harry, are you still on the line? 

Harry: Yeah, I'm here. 

Hal: Sorry about that. Looks like we, uh, having some technical issues, but seems like it's all under control now. You were saying? 

Harry: No. I don't know. I I don't think I really want to talk about this stuff. I'm sorry, I should go. 

Hal: Harry. Harry. 

Harry: Yeah? 

Hal: How old are you, Harry?

Harry: Seventeen. 

Hal: Seventeen. 

Harry: Yeah. 

Hal: Harry, let me tell you something I remember about being seventeen.

When you're seventeen, it can sometimes feel like every problem you run into is the worst problem you're ever going to face. Do you find that? 

Harry: Kind of 

Hal: similarly. Fortunately, every joyous moment tends to feel like the greatest thing that will ever happen to you. So it's not all bad news, but, and I can say this from experience, there are greater and darker times waiting for you, and I mean, no offense by this, but I find it very hard to believe that a 17-year-old would have anything in their back pocket that could shock this grizzled old podcast host.

Go ahead, Harry. I, 

Harry: I think I killed someone. 

Hal: I'm sorry, just let me make sure I heard you right. You killed someone. 

Harry: I don't, I don't really know. I think so. I think I knew whether I did or not. I don't know. 

Hal: Okay, Harry. Okay. I'm not going to lie to you. That seems like the kind of thing you'd want to be sure about.

At least before you call up to talk about it. 

Harry: Yeah, I know, but 

Hal: Why don't you tell me what happened?

Harry, are you still there? Harry, you're breaking up. 

Harry: (Muffled) I didn't have anything to do with it. I didn't even know her. No, yes, that's true. If nothing happened, I swear. He was a kid. Because I did not. 

Hal: I can barely hear you. 

Harry: (Muffled) I didn't. 

Hal: Harry? 

Harry: I'll tell you. 

Hal: Harry, if this is too painful, we don't have to do this. 

Woman's Voice: You did this. You sick fuck. 

Harry: No, I

I did this.

Hal: Okay, well Take your time. 

Woman's Voice: (Muffled) You say her fucking name! 

Hal: What was her name? 

Harry: Ruby. Ruby. She She used to come around all the time. She was friends with my brother. I used to look at her. I never looked at her! She was a child! 

Hal: That doesn't sound right, Harry. Which one was it? 

Harry: I don't know. 

Man's Voice: (Muffled) He told us. He told us you watched her. And that you made comments about her body. 

Harry: I used to watch her. When she came to visit my brother. I made comments about her body. Lewd, nasty comments. To Mick. I made them to Mick. 

Hal: That is worrisome behavior, Harry. 

Harry: Yes, it was. 

Hal: What happened next? 

Harry: My girlfriend had just broken up with me. Harry. Harry. She said I was Well, she didn't say.

But I could tell. She thought there was something wrong with me. 

Woman's Voice: (Muffled) You're a fucking pervert. 

Harry: She thought I was a pervert. She was right. My appetites were not normal. Not by any I don't know. Especially not for a teenager. I didn't know why I was like that. I didn't I didn't know what to do about it, who to tell, I couldn't, I couldn't put it away once it was out of the box.

Man's Voice: (Muffled) Do you want us to feel sorry for you? Fuck you! 

Hal: Harry, it's okay. It's actually perfectly normal to feel that way. The thing is, both the feelings you had and the guilt and shame you feel about them are entirely, some would say ironically, normal. It doesn't mean you actually wanted to hurt anyone. 

Harry: Really?

 (Muffled screaming) 

Harry: No. No. I was angry. I was filled with rage. I wanted to destroy something. 

Hal: Just tell me what happened between you and this Ruby girl. 

Harry: I don't know what happened. 

 (Muffled screaming) 

Harry: I know what happened. 

Hal: Okay. Let's hear it. 

Harry: The night Alana and I broke up, Ruby told me that she had feelings for me that she wanted to be with me, a crush. I thought stupid. 

I was her friend's older brother. She was only two years younger than me, but the, the two years between 15 and 17 is a big gap to me. She, she looked like a child. I didn't want anything to do with her, but then she told me. She knew what I was. She knew what I'd been with Alana. What I was interested in.

What had been too much for Alana. That was what she wanted. That she saw me. 

I was shocked. Totally caught off guard. I don't even know how she knew. She must have overheard us talking. She was always hanging around the house, just, just however she found out. She was She liked it. Or at least, the idea of it.

 (Muffled screaming) 

Harry: No, that's not it. She was innocent. She had no interest in my sick perversions. She didn't even know me. Not in any meaningful way. Why would she? She was a little girl. She played clarinet. She did her homework. She played Dance Dance Revolution at the arcade. She could not have known what I was, and she could not have been interested in anything like that.

But that was what I liked. I wanted to destroy her. Her innocence. To corrupt her. Her purity. That's what I wanted. That's what I wanted to do. 

Hal: You're sending mixed messages here, Harry. Are you sure this is what happened? 

Harry: No. Yes. That's what makes sense. 

Hal: I'm not so sure it does. 

Harry: No, no it does. It's obvious what happened.

I grabbed her. After school. I knew what way she walked home. I stalked her, like a predator. I probably bit her. Pleasured myself in the bushes like some sick fuck as I watched her wave goodbye to her friends. I grabbed her and I restrained her and she fought and bit and spat and Tried to scream and I hit her.

I knocked her out, right? I'm a big guy bigger than her at least. I must have knocked her out. She would never have gone with me willingly I used my strength and I overpowered her I took her to Springwood on the edge of town to the abandoned house to the garage to the place that she died 

Hal: Hold on 

You overpowered this girl in broad daylight, and, what, carried her to the edge of town on your back?

Harry: Y Yes? No. You're right, it doesn't make sense.

 (Muffled screaming) 

Harry: I was old enough to have my license. I must have put her in the car. My mother's car. Yes, I did that. In the boot. That's how these things are done. I also had the equipment. The belts. The chains. The gags, the paddles, the whips, the ropes. I had them, already, in the garage. They were there, and I took her. I made Mick bring the tools, the equipment, the box from under my bed.

My shameful, secret box. I knew, I knew that he had a crush on her. I knew that he cared about her, that they were friends, and I wanted to make him watch. I said so. I told him so. At the time. This was also part of my game. Part of my sick, twisted, degenerate fantasy. 

Hal: Wait. Wait just a second. What does your brother have to do with all this?

Harry: He was there. He was there to witness me in all my sickening glory. That's why they found his fingerprints. That's why they found his blood. That's why he dropped out of school and that's why he killed that girl. And that's why he ended up in jail and that's why he stayed there. I forced him to watch, and I forced him to help, and I forced him to lie, and I forced him to clean up, and I forced him to untie her and leave her in that cold, abandoned house on that filthy, concrete floor.

She was just a kid, and he was just a kid too. I destroyed them both, their innocence, their lives. I took it all, because I am a murderer, a murderer and a monster. 

Hal: Harry. None of what you are saying makes any sense. 

Harry: This is what they are telling me happened. They keep telling me this is how it went down. They keep telling me that they were told that it happened like this. 

If I would stop lying, I would still have my fingernails. 

Hal: Who? Who keeps telling you that? Who took your fingernails? 

Katie: Doctor? 

Hal: Katie. You're back. 

Katie: I'm so sorry to interrupt, but we need to have a short break so we can hear from this episode's sponsor.

Hal: Of course. Yes, that's fine. 

Katie: Brilliant. 

Hal: Nurse Katie. 

Katie: Yes? 

Hal: Were you always British? 

Katie: Of course, Doctor. 

Hal: Huh. 

Katie: Pip pip, cheerio, here comes the ad break! 

Hal? 

Hal: Oh, uh, right. The late shift will be right back. 

Announcer: This week's episode of The Late Shift with Dr. Good Vibes is brought to you by pain. To try pain for yourself, head to jawbonemedia. com slash pain and enter the promo code 

you did this, you did this, you lying, conniving, piece of shit, you took our daughter from us and you got away with it for years. You lived your fucking life while ours just stopped. dead. But now, you're going to feel every single ounce of pain she felt. Everything you put her through.

Every. Single. Thing. You can't hide from this any longer. 

This is justice. This is fucking justice. And it's come for you at last. For a no obligation, three month trial. No other sensation can sear your nerves and blank your neurons quite like pain. As every fiber of your being screams for a moment of blessed relief.

While also reminding you, unrelentingly, that you, in fact, exist. 

Pain. You wanted it. And now, you have it.

Hal: And we are back. 

Harry, are you still with us? 

Harry: Huh? 

Hal: Looks like we're not getting any feedback on the line anymore. 

Harry: Yeah, they're not They Yeah, it's It's better, clearer, for now. 

Hal: Good. Good to hear. Now, where were we? 

Harry: I'm not sure. Not the apartment, I don't think. They moved us, afterward. 

Hal: No, uh, sorry, I meant, with our conversation.

Harry: Oh, right. 

I was telling you about the time I brutally tortured and murdered a high school girl and framed my brother for the crime. 

Hal: Yes, of course. A very confronting story. But it's got some plot holes in it, and I still haven't had a clear answer about who told it to you. So the veracity of your source is still up for debate.

But let's put that off to the side for the moment. I've had a little time to think about your issue over the ad break, and I have some questions. 

Harry: Okay. 

Hal: Tell me about Ruby.

Harry: I don't Why? 

Hal: Because you felt strongly enough about her to kill her. You told me you were obsessed with her. What about her exactly? 

Harry: She was pretty. Very pretty. 

Hal: Okay, let's say that's true. What else? 

Harry: She innocent. Pure. Clarinet. 

Hal: Again, sure, you mentioned. For now, let's take that as gospel. What was her favorite color?

Harry: I don't purple? 

Hal: Are you saying that because her backpack was purple? 

Harry: Was it? 

Hal: I don't know. But then, I wasn't obsessed with her. You apparently were. So was her backpack purple? 

Harry: It was. It was, and I was. That's why I killed her. 

Hal: Ah, good. That's a good point. 

Harry: What is? 

Hal: You tied her up, you tortured her, thoroughly, over a period of hours, and then you killed her.

Harry: Yes? 

Hal: Describe her to me. What? In detail. Describe her to me. Every mole, every hair, the texture of her skin, the color of her nipples, the wrinkles of the skin on her knees and elbows. 

Harry: That's fucking disgusting! She's fifteen! 

Hal: Yes, you're right. It is. I don't actually want you to describe a fifteen year old's naked body on my podcast.

I just want to know if you can picture it. 

Harry: Yes. Yes, I can. 

Hal: Not imagine it, remember it. Your first kill. Every detail must be stuck in your mind like a thousand little splinters. Right? 

Do you remember her body? Completely exposed. Totally helpless. 

Harry: No! Yes! Yes, I do! 

Hal: Do you remember her skin? Yes, I do! Her tears, the color of her blood, the sound of her screams?

Harry: I yes, no, I 

Hal: You're struggling, so let's go with something easier. 

You must remember her smell. After all, it's supposed to be the sense most strongly associated with memory. Though I think that's been disproven. Can you tell me what she smelled like? I'll make it easy for you. I won't even ask you to recall the smell of the sweaty, piss soaked, bloodied mess hanging from the roof beams.

Just tell me what she smelled like before. 

Harry: Please. Please. 

Hal: She was always around the house. Do you remember her scent when she walked past you in the doorway or sidled too close in the kitchen? Her shampoo, her deodorant, the laundry detergent her parents used. Is any of that in there? You must have smelled it, but did you lock it away?

Did you associate it with anything substantial? Significant? 

Harry: No, I can't. I

barely noticed her until she asked me to. Well, by that point I was never going to remember her smell, her skin, anything. 

Hal: Harry, I don't think you killed Ruby. And I don't think you really think you killed Ruby. 

Harry: That's the kind of talk that loses you toenails. 

Hal: Not a good enough reason not to say it. And I've got ten.

Harry: No. That's not true anymore.

Hal: Huh. 

How many am I down to? 

Harry: I'm not sure. I can't see my feet, and I kind of lost track somewhere in the middle.

Hal: Who told you that you killed Ruby Amal? 

Harry: It's her parents, Doc. I'd never met them before. But I, I guess I saw them on the news. I might have seen them at school or somewhere. Mick told them we did it. 

Hal: And they believed him. 

Harry: I guess so. 

Hal: Do you? 

Harry: What? 

Hal: Believe them. Believe him. 

Harry: Doc. 

Hal: You can just call me Hal if you want.

Harry: Okay. Hal. 

Hal: So? 

Harry: I didn't. But then I thought they might be right. Even if I can't remember doing it, I must have killed their daughter or this wouldn't be happening to me. I must be what they say I am. 

Hal: Stop saying you murdered Ruby Amal. 

Harry: Why? I clearly did. They wouldn't be doing this to someone who didn't murder their daughter.

No, this is something that could only happen to a murderer. 

Hal: Harry. 

Harry: Yeah, that's 

Hal: Harry. 

Harry: Oh. Sorry. 

Hal: They tortured you. 

Harry: Yeah. 

Hal: For revenge. For Ruby. 

Harry: Everything she went through and more, I have to imagine. It's been weeks, I think. 

Hal: How do you feel? 

Harry: Not good. 

Hal: Yeah. No. You shouldn't. Beyond everything physical that's been done to you, you're dissociating.

Which I think In this situation is probably fine considering. I'd say not good is an understatement, Harry. 

Harry: Actually, wouldn't it 

Hal: What? 

Harry: Wouldn't it make more sense to say you're the one dissociating? I mean, you're the older one. I don't think you've been Harry for a long time.

Hal: I 

Harry: Yeah. 

Hal: Oh shit. Yeah. 

Harry: Yeah. 

Hal: I mean, good, right? That's good, I've realized, now I can 

Harry: Don't go back, Hal. They've really worked you over.

Hal: Harry. 

Harry: Yeah? 

Hal: I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to go through all that. I thought I was good with pain, but I guess 

Harry: That's different. And you know it. 

Hal: Yeah. 

Harry: I can only blame you so much. I'm who they really wanted to talk to. They don't look at you and see the one who murdered Ruby. They see me. Well, now they've got me.

Hal: And if I stay in here, they'll kill you. 

Harry: Yeah. But, honestly, I think they're committed to it regardless.

They said they listened to your podcast. 

Hal: Oh yeah? 

Harry: Yeah. They think they know you, Hal. Yeah. It tracks. It makes sense that I could murder their daughter in the way she was murdered and grow up into you, flaunting my perversions so publicly. It makes sense to them. They think you did it, and they think you're proud of it.

Are you sure we didn't do it? 

Hal: Yeah, I am. 

Harry: Okay. If you're sure, can you tell them? I'm tired, and I hurt. 

Hal: Yeah, Harry. Leave it to me. 

Harry: Bye. 

Katie: Well, thanks for calling in, Harry. That's all we have time for this week, Doctor. Any last words for our listeners? 

Hal: No, I think I've said all that needs saying. 

Katie: Agreed. Here comes the outro.

Peter: He's awake. 

Kimmy: I can see that.

Time to finish this.

Next time on Doctor Good Vibes. 

Kimmy: Harry, you are going to die today. This cathartic exercise has run its course. We're expected home this week, which means that our time together here is over. 

Peter: Show us that you have found some genuine regret in your heart for what you did And we, I think, could make the next part quick at least.

Dr. Good Vibes is a Neon Diner production written, produced, and directed by Richard P. Doyle. Editing and sound design by Ramon Samson. It features the vocal talents of Richard P. Doyle, Geoff Cordner, and Lily Doyle. 

Full credits can be found in the show notes. Dr. Good Vibes is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts, so please subscribe to ensure you never miss an episode.