Episode 7 - Collars

Announcer: Dr. Good Vibes contains strong language, adult themes, and depictions of high impact sex and or violence. This podcast is recommended for mature audiences. Listener discretion is advised.

Mistress Elenora: You disgust me. 

You pathetic waste of flesh. 

Squeal for me.

What are you? 

Hal: I'm a pig. 

Ugh! 

Mistress Elenora: Say it! 

Hal: I am a pig, mistress. I'm disgusting. I'm worthless. Ugh! I deserve to be punished. I deserve this.

I deserve this. Please.

Please, mistress.

What are you doing? 

Mistress Elenora: I'm letting you down. 

Hal: Why? 

Mistress Elenora: Are you questioning me, supplicant? 

Hal: No, mistress, never.

Mistress Elenora: On your knees. 

Hal: Yes, mistress.

Mistress Elenora: Open. 

Tell me what you want. 

Hal: I want to suck the ring off that pinky toe, mistress. 

Mistress Elenora: Good. 

Hal: Uh. Uh. Mm. Mm.

Uh. 

Mistress Elenora: Stop. 

Hal: No, I'm, I'm okay. I can keep going. 

Mistress Elenora: Put your clothes on and come up to my office. There's another booking in this room at three and the girls need to disinfect everything.

Hal: Alright. 

Mistress Elenora: Come on.

So. 

Hal: So. 

Mistress Elenora: Bit of a slow start but we got there in the end. 

Hal: Sorry. 

Mistress Elenora: If you weren't feeling up to it today, you could have just called. 

Hal: Honestly, I was kind of hoping that this would take my mind off everything that's going on. Replace a very troublesome sort of suffering with something a little more literal.

Plus, I know you don't like it if people cancel with less than 24 hours notice. 

Mistress Elenora: Well, that's very considerate of you, Hal. 

Drink your tea, before it goes cold.

You know, I barely dom professionally anymore. 

Hal: Yeah? 

Mistress Elenora: You and maybe two other regulars are the only ones I bother with. The clients I've been seeing since before I took over the place. I can easily fill my day with admin. Bookings, rosters, staff development, SEO, social media management. I'm a very busy entrepreneur, so I don't have to make a lot of time for this side of the business anymore, beyond what takes my interest. 

Hal: And I appreciate it. 

Mistress Elenora: I know you do. 

Now, I know whatever is going on with you must be quite bad because in the eight years you've been coming here I've never known you to have a lack of enthusiasm for my toes. If I was a greener dom, it's the kind of thing I might take personally.

Hal: Oh, no, it's, it's nothing to do with you. Or your toes. It's just 

Mistress Elenora: This is your time.

Hal: You've known me a long time now. 

Mistress Elenora: Yes, I have. Intimately. 

Hal: Do you Do you think there's something wrong with me? 

Mistress Elenora: You know Part of the reason I stopped taking new clients is so I could avoid the shame spiral that comes after they get down off the Chevrolet for the first time. Hmm. 

Ah. No Hal, I don't. And if there's something wrong with you, then there's something wrong with everyone who visits my little den of sin.

And considering it's been open for going on thirty years, I think there's at least a little mainstream interest in what we do here. Do you know why I agreed to see you, and then continue seeing you as a client? 

Hal: Because I'm handsome? 

Mistress Elenora: Sure. For a guy you're okay. But no. 

I know that submission is not your primary interest. But do you know what most men who come here end up doing when they're on the rack? 

Hal: I could guess. 

Mistress Elenora: Let's not waste both our times on that exercise. 

They resist. They grit their little teeth, and they clench their little fists, and they grunt and groan their way through my symphony of agony. Like it's a test of their masculinity.

Now I can and will, if required, break that wall down. I'm more creative and more resourceful than most men are able to withstand. But, does that sound like submission to you? To the pain, to the loss of control? Submission to me? You wanted to know the fullness. That's uncommon in a man, especially one who leans D.

Hal: Huh. 

Mistress Elenora: I saw your work when you were new blood at all the parties. Unrefined, but good instincts and obviously well read. Though you surprised me when you cared enough to understand the other side of your practice. To work all the angles. You wanted to feel what you were imparting, and eventually you got that submission is not the same as passivity.

That you have to willingly give yourself over to the experience. It's work. It's hard sometimes. But know how, there's nothing wrong with you. You're not a slave to your vices. If anything, you approach them with the work ethic of a professional. 

Hal: I mean, I kind of am. 

Mistress Elenora: Exactly. Now, whatever it is you're going through, and please don't feel the need to tell me about it in detail because remember, I'm a very busy businesswoman.

My advice is the same as I would give you if you were strapped to the spinning wheel across downstairs. 

Hal: And what's that? 

Mistress Elenora: Submit. Don't resist the pain, embrace it, internalize it, process it until you understand it fully. Whatever it was you wanted me to punish you for. I can only work as a stand in for so long.

If you want catharsis, real catharsis, you'll have to face the actual problem. 

Hal: I am not sure you'd be saying that if you knew what kind of week I'd had. 

Mistress Elenora: Well, it's a good thing I don't. And since we're still on the clock, I'd advise you to rethink that response. 

Hal: Ah, of course. As you command, Mistress. 

Thank you.

Mistress Elenora: You did good today. You're a good boy. 

What? Your entire body just tensed up. 

Hal: Sorry. Being cold that has recently been ruined for me. 

Mistress Elenora: Ah. 

What if I say it in German? 

Hal: We can try it. 

Mistress Elenora: Du bist ein guter Junge. 

Hal: Thank you, Mistress Elenora

You're very good at this. 

Mistress Elenora: I know.

Well, you can stay up here for a bit if you want, finish your tea. But when I see you next month, you had better be ready for me. 

I'm not into doing aftercare for pain inflicted by others. 

Hal: You got it.

Hal: Come on.

Hi, Casey. 

Casey: Oh, Han! I didn't see you there. Han? Han? Han? 

Hal. Hal! 

Hal: Uh, who is Han? You said it ten times, it doesn't sound like a real name. Is that a name that a human has? 

Casey: Han Solo? 

Hal: Okay. 

Casey: I think there was also a character called Han in The Fast and the Furious. 

Hal: Sure. 

Casey: But that's all the Hans I can think of. 

Hal: Okay.

Do either of them come into this office? 

Casey: No. Well, not that I've seen. 

Hal: Uh, my card isn't working. 

Casey: Oh, sorry about that. Can I take a look? 

Hal: Sure. 

Casey: Okay, let's take a look here.

Looks like your card's been deactivated. 

Hal: Ah, shit. Uh, well look, um, I just needed to grab something from my office. I think it'd only take me about ten minutes, if you could...

Casey: actually, your whole account has been suspended. I can't even print you a temp pass. What do you want to do? 

Hal: Can you call Katie Bradley, see if she can come down?

Casey: Sure.

Wait, no, she's offline and her out of office is on. 

Hal: Okay. Uh, what about Gemma? 

Casey: Gemma...

Hal: Gutierrez, head of production at Jawbone.

Casey: Also out of the office. Actually, most of the Jawbone people are offline. Is there some kind of event on? 

Hal: Right. Yes, there is. There's an off site this week. 

Casey: Ah. 

Hal: Listen, can you maybe help me out? I left a couple of things in the studio that I need to grab. Technically I'm on leave. Technically, but 

Casey: Yeah, sorry.

No, sorry. Yeah, no. 

Hal: Is that a yes or a no? 

Casey: It's a no. Sorry. 

Hal: Nothing you can do? 

Casey: No, sorry again. 

Hal: Right. Okay. Right.

Actually, Hmm? Could you message Noah Sampson? He should be here somewhere. 

Casey: Sure, I can try to. 

Hal: Hey, I, uh, I meant to ask, you still seeing that girl, Cassie? 

Casey: Oh, yeah, you remembered? 

Hal: Yeah, well, Cassie, Casey. You said it a few times. 

Casey: Right, yeah, I'd uh, um, I'd had a few. 

Hal: Yeah, well, what else are building Christmas parties for? You were having an issue with her ma, if I remember.

Casey: Oh, yeah, no, that all worked out in the end. 

Hal: Oh, great, great. 

Casey: Actually, it was, so I bought Cassie this book someone recommended, um, Twice Blessed. It's about being Jewish and also a lesbian, All of that. It really helped. She ended up giving it to her mom after she read it, and so... 

Hal: oh, great. I'm so glad it worked.

Casey: What do you Oh, right! That was you! Geez, I had had a lot to drink. 

Hal: Yeah, 

Casey: well Well, thank you. 

Hal: My pleasure. 

Casey: It looks like Noah is out of the office, so 

Hal: Oh, right. Look, thanks for trying.

Casey: Hal! Yeah? 

Hal: Yeah?

Casey: You forgot your card. 

Hal: Oh, thanks. Wait, this isn't my -

Casey: What? 

Hal: Uh, no, nothing. 

Casey: Ten minutes, right? 

Hal: Yeah. 

Casey: Good. 

Just leave it on my desk when you're done. 

Hal: Sure. 

Casey: Bye.

Hal: Oh, okay. Ten minutes.

Hal: Okay, if I was Katie, what would my password be?

“Hi, I'm Katie. I sure do love logging into my computer.”

 (Hal typing) 

Hal: Piss.

“Oh, Rick. Why are you always getting off with my sister?” Nope, that's British. 

Kid's name!

 (Hal typing) 

Hal: Kid's name, exclamation point?

 (Hal typing) 

Hal: Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Okay, here we go.

Right. Yeah, Wholesale Candy Warehouse. She did say.

It's gotta be her phone number. She called her. I saw her call her.

Where did she put the phone number?

Where would the…?

Dr. Bad What? Oh, what the fuck, Katie?

Okay, time's up.

Dammit!

Hal: +81? Shit. 

Hello? 

Alana: Hello? 

Hal: Hi, uh, who is this? 

Alana: Harry. 

Hal: Yes? 

Alana: Right. 

Hal: Sorry, are you Alana? 

Alana: Yeah, Alana. 

Hal: Hey, Alana, how's Japan? 

Alana: Now how the fuck would you know that I'm in Japan? 

Hal: Uh, Facebook. Facebook. 

Alana: Harry, why the fuck are you calling my mum asking about where I am? 

Hal: What? I I didn't. 

Alana: Cut the shit, Harry. She told me you called.

Hal: How did she 

how? 

Casey: Seamus O'Haypenny?. Did you think I wouldn't remember that stupid fucking Irish character you used to do? 

Hal: Ah. 

Alana: My mum thought you were some sort of scam caller, and I agreed with her until she told me that you're still using that dumb ass fake name. 

Hal: Right. Uh, well, I just Shut 

Alana: up, Harry.

Hal: Actually, it's Hal. I go by, people call me Hal now. 

Alana: What? Like... Hal Solo?

Hal: No, it, yeah, sure. 

Alana: Why did you call my mum?

Hal: Okay, there's a 

Alana: You have minutes, Hal. This call is stupid expensive. 

Hal: Okay, I'll keep it brief. 

Alana: Good. Harry, just tell me what's going on. 

Hal: Okay, alright. Do you ever think about what happened with us? 

Alana: That's it. I'm hanging up. 

Hal: Wait.

Someone called up my show pretending to be you. They called in to the late shift and basically ran through the whole story pretending to be asking for advice. Somebody is fucking with my head over here. And I, you might know who it is. 

Alana: Harry. 

Hal: Have you ever told anybody what happened between us? Why we broke up in detail?

Maybe too much detail.

Alana: Sure. 

Hal: Okay. 

Alana: I told everyone I know what a piece of shit you are. Everyone I meet, and everyone I will ever meet, forever. 

Hal: Right. 

Alana: Because I think about you all of the time, and I've never gotten over my first adolescent relationship, and how my first boyfriend treated me. 

Hal: Alana 

Alana: I'm not finished. I'm also really glad you rang my mum, because I've been looking for an excuse to get in touch with you.

This might come as a surprise, but I think we should get back together. 

Hal: You're messing with me. 

Alana: Yeah, I am. 

Hal: Uh huh. 

Alana: I think that's fair, right? 

Hal: Yeah, probably. Yeah, 

Alana: it is. 

Hal: I deserve that. 

Alana: Yes, you did. 

Hal: Okay, but now you've got your shot in, can you please just answer my question? This is serious. 

Alana: Harry, how, how, I haven't thought about you, or you and me, in years.

Right, 

Hal: but this thing with Dr. Good Vibes, it's 

Alana: Who is that? Is that 

Hal: It's a podcast. 

Alana: I don't Okay, look, I don't know who's messing with you, but I haven't told anyone about what happened between us in any detail at all, except my therapist. And not even my current therapist. Two therapists ago. That therapist.

Hal: Okay. 

Alana: Who's dead. 

Hal: Okay. 

Alana: And my husband. 

Hal: Okay. 

Alana: Who does not speak English. 

Hal: Okay, it just 

Alana: Hal, is there a small chance that you have been feeling guilty about what happened between us? 

Hal: Yeah, maybe. 

Alana: Good, you should. But nobody, except for me, has an excuse to add to that by calling some podcast to mess with you. 

Hal: My podcast. I have a podcast. 

Sorry. 

Alana: As I was saying, nobody but me and you knows what really went down between us. And I've let it go. I don't think about it. I don't talk about it. I don't want to think or talk about it. Not with you, or Dr. Cool Vibes, or anybody. 

Hal: It's understood. 

Alana: Does that answer your question? 

Hal: I guess so.

Alana: So no more calls to my mum from a mysterious Irishman? 

Hal: I I don't think that Bonnie Last will be hearing from me again. Good. 

Alana: I'm going to go. 

Hal: Okay. Thank you, Alana. 

Alana: Fuck off, Hal. 

Hal: Will do. Bye. 

Alana: Bye.

Hal: Okay.

 (Hal's phone dings) 

Hal: God, what fucking now?

 (Reading) I want you to show me the depths of

 (Hal speeds out of the carpark) 

Announcer: Next time, on Dr. Good Vibes. 

Alana: I don't think we should see each other anymore. 

Hal: Did I do something wrong? 

Alana: No. No, it wasn't anything you did. 

Hal: Just say it. Say that you're scared of me. 

Dr. Good Vibes is a Neon Diner production. Written, produced, and directed by Richard P. Doyle. Editing and sound design by Ramon Samson.

It features the vocal talents of Richard P. Doyle, Rachel Slee, Bec Moray, Stephanie Begg. Full credits can be found in the show notes. Dr. Good Vibes is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So please subscribe to ensure you never miss an episode.